Saturday, December 20, 2008

Tips & Tricks For Finding Old Friends Online For Free

Do you ever wonder what happened to your old grade school, high school or college friends? Maybe you'd like to get in touch and see how they're doing? It's not as hard as you may think, thanks to the Internet. Here are some tips for using the Internet to find old friends:

First, the most obvious places to check are the big classmate and reunion sites. Check out Classmates.com and Reunion.com first. You'll find a decent portion of the people from your high school class listed on these sites, especially Classmates.com, since they've been around the longest and advertise the most. Unfortunately, if you find someone on one of these sites, you'll have to pay for membership to contact them. The sites have to pay the bills somehow and that's the catch. However, if you don't want to pay, there are other options. Quite often, if the person you are looking for is a female and has gotten married, you will be able to see what their new last name is, which will make finding them a whole lot easier for you. You'll also be able to see the city where the person lives *now*, again, another valuable detail.

Searching

Now, let's search the Internet for the person. I recommend trying Google first, then MSN, as MSN technically has the largest database of indexed pages and the freshest index as well.

Search Tips

Search for the person's name first, with quotations:

"Alexandra Jones"

If the person has a unique name, your results will be smaller, but if they have a common name, you'll need to narrow the search greatly. Try searching with a middle initial or full middle name. You can also add a state or the initials of a state, like this:
"Alexandra Alicia Jones"

"Alexandra A Jones"

"Alexandra Jones", FL

"Alexandra Jones", florida

Perhaps the person was an artist or a writer? Add the words, "art" or "author" to the search. You'll be surprised at how greatly this narrows your search. Same if the person is a mechanic, engineer or interior designer. Add these words or variations of these words to the search to refine the results. Many professions and businesses have websites where they may list the names of employees. If you know the person is a dentist, try searching the dental directories online, it's likely they are listed so that new patients can find them.

Be sure to take advantage of the Advanced Search features of every search engine, these features are usually very easy to use and extremely powerful. You'll see Google's Advanced Search link right on their front page.

There are also specialty search engines available which come in handy for finding certain people online. There are specialty search engines for books, blogs, news, images, media, and practically any topic you can think of.

Don't forget to search the local newspaper website for the town from which you graduated, maybe they were mentioned in a story? Also, your high school website may even have an alumni section where you can register and search for alumnus. Don't forget to search the big yellow and white pages directories online, they may just be listed! Also try the AOL, Yahoo, Myspace, Facebook, LiveJournal, Friendster and other community member directories. Some people may even be involved in researching their family trees online, so try checking the major genealogy sites for their last name, they may be posting!

Maybe you remember that this person loved cross stitch sewing, Billy Joel or deep sea fishing? You can check some message boards with these niche topics, you might find that an "AlexandraJ" has 1000 posts on Billy Joel's official message board. That might be her!

If All Else Fails

There are specific people search engines available. These usually search public records. For the most powerful ones, you'll have to pay for real contact information. You can also have Yahoo or Google alert you anytime the person's name pops up in a news story or on the web, by using Yahoo or Google Alerts. Go to google.com/alerts to set one up. If you came up empty, this is a great way to use a search engine to let you know about any new search results, blog postings or other news items with a specific name mentioned.

If after exhausting every online avenue, you still can't find any mention of this person, it's possible this person moved, changed names, moved out of the country or just doesn't want to be found.

You'll also want to be prepared for any delicate information you find, often public records will show up in searches, so you may see records for a bankruptcy, foreclosures, divorce records, criminal records, legal trouble, disturbing blog postings or even an obituary.

Social Skills and Friendship What Are the Signs of a True Friend

The best kinds of people to have around you are the caring kind. They are what we think of as 'true' friends. Getting to know who’s who can be most interesting and sometimes most challenging.

This advice is universal. It fits for anyone of any age when making decisions about who to bring into your life and heart as a friend. However, these tips are stated in a way that will be especially helpful for tweens and teens as well as for kids and adults with ADHD, Autism or Asperger Syndrome. These tips will be useful for those who have a difficult time picking up the cues and clues that give them the ‘Go!’ or the ‘No!’ when it comes to friendship.

Here are eight tips to guide you to recognize a true friend:

1. Do you feel your friend cares about what you have to say? A real friend pays attention while you are talking and asks questions if he or she does not fully understand your situations or feeling before giving advice about it.

2.True friends are interested in what is good for you not for what you can give to them or do for them. A true friend would advise you to do only what is safe, smart and helpful to you. It helps sometimes to see if other people you like and respect also like your new friend.

3. Do you ever feel pressure to do something you don’t want to do? If you feel this way, it is your true friends who can help you sort out how to be yourself, do the right thing and still be a part of the crowd.

4. If you make a mistake, a true friend helps you feel better. A true friend does not make you feel dumb, gossip to others or criticize you.

5. A true friend gives you space and privacy if you want it. You don’t have to explain or wonder if your friend will be upset if you prefer to do something your own way, on your own time.

6. When you have problem, a true friend encourages you to find people you trust to help you take the right steps to solve it. to tell you to talk to an adult or with the right experience.

7. True friends understand how much you can do. If your parents don’t permit you to go out on school nights, a true friend will stick by you when you can be together.

8. A true friend lets you have other friends. You don’t have to worry about a true friend getting upset if you spend time with someone else. There are so many different ways youcan spend time with people. You might have a certain friend who loves to play basketball with you and other friends who are your movie or concert friends. This does not mean dropping your friend for something else. Real friends have mutual respect and make room for each other to do what they want.

This guide is also a good way to evaluate how good a friend you are to others!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Six Tips For How to Be the Right Person to Establish Intimate Relationships

Relationships...they would be much easier if not for the people.

You say, "Yes."

She says, "No."

He says, "Left."

You say, "Right."

It all seems like a crazy dance with an unlimited number of steps to learn, memorize and negotiate.

Still, in the end, if you really make an effort, the result will be well worth momentary levels of frustration. There is nothing like an intimate friendship or two. This article discusses six tips for how to establish and be the right person for intimate relationships.

• Be humble - Humility is having a right view of yourself. It is not groveling in the dirt with a woe-is-me attitude. It means that you understand your value and then also the value of others. You recognize that you have strengths and weaknesses and are not overly proud in any way.

• Be a good listener - When you take the time to actively listen to other people, they feel valued and treasured. They feel like you truly care about them and feel that what they have to say is important.

• Be trustworthy - To be trustworthy means that you are true to your word. It means that others can rely on you. Trust is built through respect and consistency in character.

• Be loyal - Establishing close friendships is often difficult. This is because people can be fickle. Hot today, cold tomorrow; whatever the prevailing winds of the day. Being loyal means you do not gossip about someone when they are not present in the room. It also means that when someone begins to disrespect your friend, you pipe in with what you like about them. If you choose to gossip about others, your friends will eventually begin to wonder whether you are slandering them when they are not around, too.

• Be generous - The Bible says a generous man has many friends. When you are liberal with praise as well as buying special gifts, others will want to be around you.

• Be forgiving - Obviously, conflict is the greatest challenge to an intimate relationship. Learning how to manage conflict and how to restore a friendship is one of the most complicated aspects of any companionship. The one who masters how to work through conflict is sure to have the strongest bonds of camaraderie in this life. Forgiveness is one important point in the complex world of managing conflict. When we choose to forgive, our hearts will be free and we will have the capacity to love and build solid, long-term friendships.

In this life, there is nothing more warming and, yet at the same time, more frustrating than establishing close friendships. People are fickle and difficult to pin down. This article has discussed six tips on how to establish and be the right person for intimate relationships.

Build Strong Relationship

If you are a normal red-blooded human being, you hate conflict. In fact, most people avoid conflict like the plague. However, what we do not realize is that at least some level of conflict is necessary to gaining intimacy with another human being. A Cambodian proverb says "you are not a close friend until you have had a fight with that person." This article presents four tips on how to use conflict to create intimacy.

First, look at conflict as a way to learn more about yourself. Often, when we are in the heat of the moment, we become locked into the problem and fail to learn from the situation. However, Stephen Covey, 1989, wrote that humans have four distinct gifts to help us change unwanted behavior. One of those gifts is self-awareness. Through the gift of self-awareness, you can use conflict to find out who you are and what makes you tick. You can learn about what is important to you and why you are having a problem with your friend. The other three gifts are conscience, imagination and independent will. These gifts help us assess our behavior as right or wrong (conscience); design a new course of action (imagination); and carry it out (independent will). Employment of all four gifts will help you know how to fine-tune to your partner and allow you to grow closer to them.

Second, look at conflict as an opportunity to learn more about your friend or partner. When your worldview collides with their worldview, you learn more about them and what makes them tick. This follows only if you are willing to suspend your need for self-preservation. Covey points out that in between stimulus and response is a space or gap. If you can teach yourself to think before you react, then you can exploit this space to make better choices. Unfortunately, most of us are prone to react instantaneously rather than take a step back and think through what just happened. If we can learn to exploit the space and delay our response, then we can also learn to ask questions about our partner's behavior. Such questions will help them know that you want to know them better and will cause them to trust you more. As trust deepens, your relationship will become more intimate.

Third, learn to be humble. Humility is an essential quality for close friendships. Humility means to have a right view of yourself. To have a right view of yourself means to accurately assess your worth, thinking neither too highly nor too lowly about your life. In fact, you are a masterpiece of God's own hand, created to be the special person you are. The same is true of your friend or companion. As such you are both very valuable. When you have a correct view of yourself and others, you will treat them with greater respect and dignity. Conflict is an opportunity to practice humility and to reiterate the worth of others.

Fourth, learn the fine art of reconciliation. Few know how to reconcile their relationships. When relationships go sour, most people either throw up their hands to fight it out or drop their heads and slink away. But, if you can learn how to reconcile in an amiable way, you will have the intimate relationships of all. Reconciliation includes learning how to apologize for offenses committed against the other and how to forgive when others hurt you. Although it is not advisable to purposely seek out trouble, the more conflict you encounter the more you will learn how to deal with conflict and how to reconcile with your loved ones.

Conflict is never easy and most people try to avoid it. This article has discussed four tips on how to use conflict to create more intimate relationships.

Being Friend with Your ex Girlfriend

Many break ups end with phrases such as "Let's stay friends" or "We're better off as friends than lovers". Those words soften the blow of a break up, but if you're really serious about making it happen, things get a bit more difficult.

These tips should help you to stay friends with your ex girlfriend.

1. Start with some space. After a break up, both people are hurting and there's no need to start hanging out "as friends" the next day. Give yourselves some time to heal and to realize what went wrong in the relationship. You are less likely to have negative feelings when you have the time to work things through on your own.

2. Make sure that neither of you still has romantic feelings. Friendships don't usually work out when one person still has feelings for the other, especially if they were previously a couple. If you're going to be friends, then there needs to be no doubt that you both feel the same way about the break up.

3. Keep contact brief. Don't stay on the phone for hours at a time. Think about how you interact with other friends of the opposite sex and try to mimic those types of behaviors with your ex girlfriend.

4. Try to hang out in groups. It's much easier to be friends if you are hanging out in large groups of people. One-on-one time is too similar to dating and may bring up old feelings. Especially at the beginning, it's best to try to avoid one-on-one meetings.

5. Don't keep secrets. If you start dating someone, it's important to let her know. You may think that you're sparing her feelings, but she'll only be more hurt that you didn't tell her. It's important that you keep the lines of communication open so that both people feel comfortable.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

10 Tips that Will Save Your Friendship

If like me, you have friends of the opposite sex with whom you are so very close, chances are, you or the other person at one time or another made an error in judgment and made it known that you were in love -- with him or her. But instead of "I love you, too" you got something like "I really like you BUT..."

Oops! There goes a great friendship.

Not necessarily. That is if you can get your love-foot out of your mouth with very little damage, and salvage whatever is left of the friendship.

1. Don't panic

Sometimes when we feel that we messed up, we have the urge to try and "fix" things in panic mode. For some people that may include trying to make "nice", trying to make them laugh again, invite them to do things we think they'll like etc... anything that feels like things are back to normal again.

You can't just put a feel-good band-aid on something like that. Be honest with your friend and tell him or her that you respect their feelings and that even if you feel the way you feel, you value the friendship so much more. Just don't say you made a huge mistake (and feel really stupid --he-he); or ask for forgiveness. You didn't commit a sin or do anything wrong, you only expressed how you really feel.

2. Don't try to talk him or her into it

If someone says "I am not that into you like that", they are NOT. Trying to tell them that they don't know their own feelings of attraction is an insult to the person. And "You mean so much to me -- I just want you to be happy" crap is so transparent. Desperate manipulation always -always backfires. And chances are that your friend knows that side of you --too well I must add.

3. Don't try to shift the focus off your false move

Trying to explain how something they said or did misled you is so juvenile. Your friend wasn't the one who misinterpreted the signals, and he or she wasn't the one who expressed that they wanted to be more than friends. Trying to somehow make the other person feel like it's their fault is shoving your foot further up your mouth. Don't be surprised if your toes stick out from the other side. You created this situation, own up to it.

4. Give him or her the space and time he or she needs

After something like that, it will be a little weird and awkward between the two of you, so get used to it. Your friend may even start avoiding you, but that's normal. He or she may not know what to do after you drop something like that on them. There is also the possibility that he or she doesn't want to hurt your feelings or give the wrong impression by seeming to encourage you to have hope.

Give him or her space and time and let him or her come around if he or she values your friendship. Just don't wait too long. After a week or so ask him or her if the two of you can talk about what happened.

5. Discuss how you move forward as friends -- again

You must absolutely have this talk because avoiding it is disastrous.

I had a very dear friend, and we were so close that he was the first person I called when I had good or bad news -- after I called my mother and brother, of course. He was so good at hiding his feelings that even as savvy as I am on man-woman dynamics, I did not suspect he was sitting on his feelings for years. But that is because he went to great lengths to somehow convince me he was "gay".

When I broke up with someone (and that was like 50 times with the same person and please don't judge me, I was a real mess back then), I naturally went to my friend for support. Then one day he confessed that he had always loved me. I was shocked, pissed off and sick to my stomach because it felt like he was suggesting "incest". After all he was like "my brother". And even though he was my best friend in the whole world -- we shared the most personal details and felt so close emotionally, I wasn't attracted to him in a "sexual" way. Not at all!

We decided the friendship was far more important and wanted to keep it. But although he said he felt like "my friend, again", I didn't feel the same way. I wanted to but it was so hard knowing what I knew. Every time I caught him looking at me (which he had done so many times before), I got really upset because I felt that he was "sexualizing" me. Even the hugs felt uncomfortable. We started to fight over very stupid things, something we had never done before. Eventually we didn't want to be friends anymore.

We were so focused on "saving" the friendship but had never talked about "how" we were going to be friends. We just assumed since we were friends before things would just fall back into place without acknowledging that that place had shifted.

To save your friendship you need this talk -- you must. Begin by telling him or her how much the friendship means to you and that he or she means so much to you AS A FRIEND and that you don't want to lose the friendship. Then talk about how to "maintain" the friendship since you can't be more than friends but at the same time don't want to lose the friendship.

6. Don't' take anything personally

Even after the talk, things may still feel a little weird and awkward because everyone processes their emotions differently. Some people want to talk about how they feel right away and get over with it, others avoid talking about it and others prefer to cut off contact for sometime in order for them to process their emotions the way they know how.

If you call him or her and they are not excited to talk to you or you invite him or her out and he or she doesn't want to come, don't push or try so hard to get the response you want. Give it a few more days and try again. If he or she isn't ready now, maybe he or she'll be ready later. But if he or she becomes rude and abusive, then you know that he or she never really meant it when they said they did not want to lose you as a friend.

7. Let go expecting your friend to give you what he or she can't

For your own good and sanity, stop wishing, hoping, and expecting your friend to give you what he or she can't.

Come to terms (and accept) that you may always have those feelings for your friend after all he or she is a special person -- that's why they are your friend. And besides we don't always choose who we fall in love with. It's not called "falling in love" for nothing. Nobody chooses to knowingly "fall" because falling hurts. So the feelings may still linger for a while or forever but your expectations (for something more) got to change.

If you find yourself stuck emotionally, find something to do (away from your friend) that makes you feel alive, worthy and wanted. Get a hobby, volunteer your services, pumper yourself... do anything that makes you so happy that you are not thinking of how you messed things up or how your friend is avoiding you etc.

8. Meet in a group setting -- initially

In the beginning "hang out" as friends in group activities where there are other people in the mix. One-on-one intimate settings kind of imply intimacy which at this point in your relationship may be "uncomfortable". So if you are asking him or her to spend time with you, catch up on old times or simply try to move forwards as platonic friends invite him or her to anything as part of your group of friends as opposed to one-on-one. And when you are out treat him or her just like everybody else in the group

If you find that even your interaction in a group setting has also changed and is awkward, then you need to ask him or her to have a talk about how he or she feels and what the two of you can do to make the transition less stressful. Again, you must absolutely have this talk because avoiding it is disastrous.

9. Keep this little "secret" between the two of you -- as much as possible

Don't mention what happened to any other of your friends in the group. If you have to, let it be something you do in the future when the "raw feelings" about this are in the past and you both can talk about it with no emotional overload.

10. Stop trying to be his or her friend

You became friends without the two of you trying to be friends. You just became friends. So let it happen naturally.

Last but not least, if you do ever salvage your friendship, don't cross the line again. If you do, you may never be close friends ever again!

Between you and me, love didn't make a fool of you - you did. But that's all part of being human. Anyone who dares to open his or her heart to love plays a fool one way or another. If it ever turns out that your friendship grows into romantic and sexual attraction, it'll be because you "planted the seed", and let it grow naturally. That's just the way love works!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

10 Tips to Attract Women Like Magnets

10 Tips to Attract Women Like Magnets

Are you interested in attracting women like magnets in your singles life. Every men can attract any kind of women easily like a magnet if you follow the basic 10 tips. Read below the 10 tips to attract women like magnets.

1: Never Settle for Just Any Woman

The biggest mistake you can possibly make in any relationship is to settle for whatever woman comes along for fear you can’t do any better than what you have! Doing this will prevent you from ever finding the woman you are truly meant to be with. It is difficult to take a leap of faith, especially in matters of the heart, but settling to be with a woman that doesn’t “do it for you” is a HUGE mistake…for you both! Do NOT settle for just any woman hold out for someone that you really connect with and live the life of your dreams! Believe it or not, women admire men who know what they want and won’t settle for anything less. It is a major turn on!

2: Apply the Laws of Attraction

This subject has been poked, prodded, turned upside down and inside out. It is contained within every magazine and book and research paper on the subject of love that you will ever run across. As a relationship expert myself, I have an entire wall of books dedicated to this subject alone, and more books and articles and theories are created every day around the globe on the differences between men and women regarding their particular triggers for attraction. It is right under your nose, every day, everywhere…on TV, out in public, you name the place…it’s right there staring you down! Yet unbelievably, there are STILL people who are completely clueless about the Laws of Attraction.

Now, this is not to say that the Laws of Attraction are good or right or even tolerable at times. But, there are certain inalienable truths about attraction that you need to know and understand if you desire to become successful in any romantic relationship.

What are the Laws of Attraction? Simply put, Men and Woman are polar opposites when it comes to attraction. Men initially feel sexual attraction based upon a woman’s physical appearance, which then leads them into a desire for a relationship. But, women are initially attracted to a man’s qualities. Sure, women will admire a man’s looks, but that doesn’t lead them into a desire for a relationship with him. It’s when a man exhibits confidence in his body language and communication–regardless of his looks–that women feel a powerful sexual attraction that over shadows the man’s physical attributes.


3: Don't Be Too Nice

Of course, everyone knows that being "nice" is considered socially acceptable in the world. But, women do not choose a lover based upon how nice they may be - that's how they choose their friends. Being "NICE" just isn't what ignites the flames of passion. What does ignite the flames? Attraction. What is attractive? Confidence in one's self! Use positive body language, take meaningful actions, and be your genuine self without regard to what others may think of you. This doesn't mean you should act like a jerk, because no one likes a jerk either. It simply means that in order to attract a woman, you MUST be confident in yourself.

4: Convincing a Woman To Like You is a Big No-No!

Do not waste any of your valuable time trying to convince a woman that doesn't appear interested in you romantically that you are the person they are meant to be with. It will NEVER work, and in fact, may backfire on you in a most embarrassing way. Why is this? Because you can't change the way a person "feels." You can try to understand and you can offer alternative points of view, but you cannot change their feelings. To make matters worse, when faced with the knowledge that a woman doesn't "feel" attracted to them, some men often take ridiculous action to convince them otherwise-they will relentlessly pursue the woman without regard for her lack of "feelings." Spare yourself this tragedy and move on to the next lady in line, who might just "feel" attracted to you-an absolute necessity to a fulfilling relationship!

5: Seeking Her Approval is a Waste of Time

It is completely adverse to human nature for a woman to desire a man who seems to actively pursue her approval. Psychologically, it instills in a woman's mind that the man is automatically not worthy of her attention, and no matter what you do to gain the woman's approval…you will always be considered less than worthy. ALWAYS! The simple truth is that you will lack the necessary confidence in yourself in order to succeed in gaining the attraction you seek. Now, this does not mean you should completely ignore a woman's approval-just that, instead, you need to gain it through self confidence. NOT by seeking her approval of you!

6: Buying Her Affections will not Score You Any Real Points

Yes, it's true, everyone loves freebies! But, it's also true that you get what you pay for. If you lavish freebies on a woman to gain her attraction, you send a strong message that you are so insecure in yourself that you must compensate by spending money. Guess what? Insecurity is NOT attractive. What is attractive? Confidence! Instead of buying a woman expensive gifts – take action that you put thought into, such as arranging a unique evening for you both to cook a meal together or doing something especially memorable and romantic. This sends a strong, clear message to a woman that she is too important for you to risk getting your message across by just sending a bunch of flowers. No, you are a MAN! So, show her that you mean business!

7: Revealing Your Feelings Too Early - Yikes!

There is a time and place for everything! Revealing your feelings for a woman should only be done after you have had plenty of time to assess and confirm a mutual attraction. Jumping into the "feeling" pit too early on sends powerful signals to a woman that you lack control. On the flip side, taking it slowly and even appearing aloof is a much better position. When you slowly warm up to a comfortable place where the woman is begging you to share your feelings, you will instantly know how attractive it is to be desired in such a away. This does not mean you should avoid being genuine. Definitely be honest and up front about who you are and what you like and don't like, but save the "feelings" exchange for a time when you know the woman is sincerely interested in hearing them.


8: Basing Your Worth upon Money And Looks

Of course, it's true…there are a few rotten apples in the barrel that focus all their energy on attracting only men that have good looks and lots of money, basing all their hopes upon material issues. But, they are fairly easy to weed out of the bunch. In truth, most women are much more attracted to a man's personality than anything else, including women who end up with very wealthy men that lack personality! History has shown us that very powerful, wealthy people have fallen head over heels in love with others that have neither power nor wealth. What did they have? They had a personality, and that personality was based upon confidence! You see, positive character traits are compelling attributes that act like magnets and literally draw women to you instantly. Believe it or not, women prefer to be romanced by men who hold out their arms and pull them in for a hug rather than men who pull out their wallets whenever they seek attention. Yes, having a J-O-B is quite important, so don't go overboard. No woman enjoys being romanced by a free loader with no money at all. But, it doesn't take a fortune in the bank or a plastic surgeon to exude sexual attractiveness.

9: Sacrificing Your Authenticity

Guess what unique attributes you have that no one else in the entire world possesses? You have an original authenticity that is completely different from everyone else. If you sacrifice your authenticity by appearing desperate for a woman's attention, you lack the ability to attract her. So, what do you do? You find out who you are and you stick with it. You don't pretend to be something you are not and you don't beg for a woman's permission to be your true self. You walk the walk and talk the talk, and let the cards fall where they may. Why? Because if you don't, you will end up settling for whatever it is you get.

10: Just Do It!

Countless numbers of people exude ignorance about matters that they know exactly how to handle. If you want something, you MUST take action to get it. If you find out that it wasn't what you really wanted, then you move on to the next challenge. Life is a constantly evolving experience of action after action after action. So, if you want to approach a woman you're attracted to and get her number or if you're dating someone that you feel like kissing, don't just sit there acting all nervous and confused. Instead, walk right up to her and ask for the number or move right in and kiss her. Sitting on the sideline and wondering what to do about things that you know you want will not score you any points. And believe it or not, women are attracted to men who know what they want and take action to get it. So, how do you do this without offending a woman? You confidently act on your desires without regard to potential failure while exhibiting a genuine respect for her feelings. If she appears disinterested, FINE…that's your cue to exit stage left. But, don't let it deter you from approaching the next woman you're attracted to...or she might just be the one you pass on the way out the door!



Monday, July 28, 2008

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Hints for Great Friendships



To become a good friend, you have to work at opening up your life to be available. This means that you will have to place some limits on self-protection. Looking out for yourself, in this sense, means not only looking out for yourself. There is probably not enough time to do all that you want to do. Yet to make a good friend, you will likely have to cut back on all the things that you want to do. There are so many things to do that people who want to be good friends have to make some conscious decisions to not do some of the activities available to them. This also applies to being private. Close friends are internally available to one another. By this I mean that their thoughts and feelings are available. You cannot be much of a good friend if you play it too careful with what you think and how you feel. Especially important is the ability to tell your friend how you think and how you feel about him or her.

True friends help each other. Spend time thinking about your friend. What is going on in his or her life? What might she or he think about that? How might she or he feel about it?

But before you can be of much help to your friend, you must understand your friend. No matter how much you see you and your friend as being alike, you are infinitely different, at least in the specific particulars of life. Understanding your friend is empathy. The best way to be able to accurately empathize with your friend is to dialogue. Dialogue is one of the only ways that you will ever get to know your friend.

Dialogue is that kind of communication designed just for getting to know and understand another. Dialogue uses the inquisitive question, "Why?" for the purpose of finding out how a friend thinks and feels. In dialogue, you try to keep asking "why?" until you get down to the heart of the matter and the "insides" of your friend. You are wanting to understand, so that you can be of help. When life gives your friend troubles, you want your help and advice to be tailored to your friend. That will mean saying things a bit different than you would talk to yourself, just because you are different.

Friends are like chests of buried treasure filled with jewels. Dialogue helps you find all those fascinating things about your friend. Every thing you learn can be exciting with the right attitude. You do not have to agree or want the same things or see things the same way to be in wonder at your friends likes, dislikes, choices, etc. Since "being" together is much more important to close friends than "doing" together, what you learn about one another is the prize! People want to be known and accepted.

Friendship requires acceptance. Acceptance does not always mean "approval". But it does mean loving tolerance for a few shortcomings. Acceptance means that you appreciate many things about your friend, especially those things that are different from yourself and your way of thinking and feeling. Friends who are just like you might seem "wonderful", but they will have little to offer you in the way of different ways of seeing things or different experiences to enjoy. Photocopy friends are in some ways dangerous. They seem safe because they so easily understand you. But when the chips are down, they will misunderstand things just as you do. When you need a fresh perspective to get out of a jam, they will be of limited help compared to a close friend who is much different than you.

True friendship looks out for what is best for the friend. And sometimes this means saying something that is honest, but will not be welcomed at first. If your friend takes what you have said as hurtful, quietly and patiently help your friend to know that you did not mean to hurt – only to help. This is an important skill in friendship – to hang in there to reassure rather than to withdraw for your own safety.

Some friends will be guarded and not open up readily. This is most likely due to it being dangerous during childhood to speak and tell how they really felt and what they really thought. These friends need your patient help to see that it is safe to speak from inside of themselves. They will need you to model open honesty, thus showing them that it is truly safe.

It is probably a good principle to always assume that you do not understand what another person has said. This will prompt you to ask questions. Asking questions shows that you are interested in truly understanding what another has said. It is very flattering to your friend for you to ask questions. And don’t often preface your questions with the statement, "I don’t understand." Just ask the questions. For example, your friend says that she likes ice cream. Don’t say, "I’m with you. I like ice cream too." Ask what kind of ice cream, and when she tells you she likes rocky road, don’t even then think you understand much. Ask why she likes rocky road and find out if it is the texture, a childhood memory, or something else. Of course, if the subject is something more important than ice cream, and they all should be, it is even more important to ask questions and assume you do not yet understand.

All friendships take work. Relationships that are "easy" are shallow. All of us make mistakes and have some bad, even hurtful, habits. The cycle of hurt feelings, understanding and forgiveness is often needed in friendships.

When a friend is acting "yucky", it probably means that he or she is going through something difficult and needs understanding from you. Instead of running away from the undesirable behavior, you need to ask what is wrong. Then see if you can offer helpful comments of empathy and then advice.

When a friend hurts you, try to hold your assumptions in question. Although you feel hurt, it is probably unlikely that a close friend wanted to hurt you. In fact, there might very well be another explanation. You could have heard something different than what was intended. You could have interpreted the action incorrectly. Or you might not understand the situation your friend was in, and how it was so very difficult for your friend.

When you feel hurt by your friend, don’t assume that you were hurt – only that you feel hurt. First ask your friend if he or she meant to hurt you. Once your friend has said no hurt was intended, ask your friend why he or she said what he or she said or did what he or she did. Hold off making judgments and keep asking "why?" until you fully understand why your friend does not think that he or she meant to hurt you.

Remember that your friend cannot do better and better at being your friend unless you tell what you need from the friendship. And try to get beyond "companion thinking" where you just think of the things that you want to do with your friend. That’s okay, but if it does not go further, you will only have a companion and miss having a close friend. Close friends take some of their personal needs into the relationship. And that is not bad – unless one of you has so many needs as to be overwhelming. But the needs for encouragement, reciprocity, truthful feedback, and many other personal things are very important. Anything without them is not a true, close friendship.

Remember that words make up only 10-20% of the message. Body language, tone of voice, timing, and other factors make up the whole message. Keep in mind that you may be sending out nonverbal messages that might be misunderstood. For example, if you are a person who is pretty much inside of yourself, you might not show any excitement when you meet your friend at a restaurant. Eventually your friend might value another friendship more because he or she knows for sure that he or she is someone another person looks forward to seeing.

Whenever you talk to someone, remember to whom you are talking. With a close friend, where you know a lot about one another, you will know pretty much to whom you are talking. You will know how he or she sees things differently than you do. Therefore, you will phrase things in a way she or he can best understand rather than the easiest way for you to say things.

NOTE: If you lose friends frequently, it is a good idea for you to find out why and what you need to change. This would be a legitimate reason to seek professional counseling. You want to find out what you do in friendships that is dysfunctional. It is smart – very smart – to get over this problem. By doing so, you will change the whole course of your life!



Thursday, July 17, 2008

Happy Friendship

How to have happy friends? This is a very important question. Who likes friends who don't smile and laugh? Who enjoys meeting friends who look serious? Not any one of us.



What about ourselves? Do we make happy friendships? Do we make our friends happy? Before thinking about others, wouldn't it be better if we first analyze our own selves? Do we smile more often when we are with our friends? Do we laugh at the smallest joke? Or do we have a serious expression on our face all the time with our friends? Let us first think about our own behavior and correct whatever we can.



Making happy friendships



Make yourself look happy with your friends and your friends will reflect. That is the secret of happy friendship. Our emotions are reflected in our body language. The reverse is equally true. Does this help us? It does. It can change our state of mind by changing our physical state. For example, if you are feeling bored, try to look cheerful and you will start becoming cheerful. It is strange, but it works. If you are feeling sad, try to look happy. You will find the sadness going away. Isn't it great?



How do we talk with friends?



Happiness also depends on what do we talk with our friends. Are we always talking of our own life or do we also listen to them. Listening is the best way to make friends happy. Listen and do it carefully. No pretensions. Your friends will be happy that someone heard them out without interruption. You will also be making your friendship stronger. Listening is very good.

By listening, we make the other person feel important. we also make him/her feel happy and relieved. By talking things out, one feels relieved. Isn't it?



Give and you shall receive- the third law of Newton. Apply this law in your life and make happy friends. You can make them happy right now by telling them about how much you appreciate their friendship. Listening to your friends, keeping a happy state of mind in their company and appreciating the friendship will make happy friends. Make your life happier and your relationships stronger with happy friends.

How to Find Good Friends

How to Find Really Good, Long-Lasting Friends

Finding really good, close friends is not much easier than finding someone to marry or a reliable business partner. Although I cannot guarantee that the following advice will work for you, some of these hints might be helpful.

ACQUAINTANCES – COMPANIONS – CLOSE FRIENDS

Most of the people you will call "friends" will only be acquaintances. You can call them friends because they are friendly to you. However, these people will not necessarily be those you enjoy doing things with as companions.

You will most likely find a small group of people with whom you like to do things in the areas of your interests. There are lots of things that we do not like doing alone. Some things we can’t do alone. So we all need companions. Companions are friends. Some companions become close friends.

But your close friends will not be mere acquaintances. And they may not be your companions. Close friends are usually those 1-3 people you trust with most parts of your life. For example, you may know someone who likes to go to garage sales, like you do. However, that person may be a gossip and you would not want to share the deeper, more private parts of your life. Nevertheless, he or she can be a good companion with whom you go to garage sales.

I recommend at least three very close friends. It is great if your spouse is one of them, but then I might recommend four. (Five is probably too many to take good care of.) Closest friends are those you can be yourself with, not necessarily those you do things with. Certainly, you do things with your closest friends, but those activities are not the main attraction -- the friend is. (With companions, on the other hand, the activity is the primary thing.)

Close friends are those who have proven to be very interested in your welfare and who want you to be very interested in their welfare. Close friends are those who would be thrilled to be of use to you in a crisis, even if that difficulty arose at 3 in the morning. Close friends give you loyalty and hold confidences. And they want and need your loyalty and confidentiality also.

Close friends are to be helpful to you. So make sure that you do not pick carbon copies of yourself. Those kinds of friends cannot be of much help. Variety in close friends is vital. You and your friends should be building one another up – that’s the main purpose of a close friendship.

Often in a marriage, companions are the friends couples do things with. But often each partner has close friends apart from those companions. Or it might sometimes be that, in another couple who function as companions, only one person is a close friend of the husband or wife.

SELECTING POTENTIAL FRIENDS

Intimate friendships heal. You want close friends, not easy relationships. Relationships based on easy acquisition usually don’t last, fail and hurt. Loneliness is increased.

You might want to begin by listing the qualities and interests you want in your closest friends. Don’t be afraid of being a little picky at this stage. Remember that superficial relationships don’t really work. For acquaintances and companions, maybe, but not for closest friends.

So make that list of what you are looking for in closest friends. After you have made your list, ask yourself, "Where do these kind of people hang out?" By asking this question, you will identify where you might go to meet some good candidates for close friendships.

Most people think that finding good friends will be easy. Most likely it will not. It takes time to find friends you can count on for years and years to come. People want to find good friends from the pool of people who naturally cross their path. But that will work only if your path produces the kind of people you are looking for.

For example, let’s suppose that high on your list of desired characteristics are (1) serious about cooking or fishing, (2) kind to people, (3) not critical, and (4) has time available for a friendship. You want a lifetime friend (or at least a friend for five years) who has these characteristics. If you seek to find such a person along your usual path which includes taking kids to daycare/school, working at an office and shopping for weekly necessities, you will have to meet an awful lot of people to come up with a few who have the four desired characteristics.

The approach I am recommending takes more thought and a little longer span of time, but it just might produce that kind of friend or friends you are really looking for. And if the fit is great, not just good, those friendships might last a lifetime. My theory is that not being so particular will get you friends who disappear in a year or two and you have to go through the whole dog-gone process all over again.

Doing a little thinking about the four desired characteristics listed above (which I just now "pulled out of the hat"), I would begin by meeting someone at optional events like a cooking (men: fishing) class or club, because I assume that, if they have time for something extra, they might have time for a new friendship. During the club or class I would analyze comments in order to screen out those who are obviously critical and unkind. Then, while I would be friendly to everyone, I would be especially friendly to those who look more accepting and more open to others.

Just like the princess who has to kiss a whole lot of frogs to find a suitable prince, each of us needs to meet a lot of people and then narrow it down until we have found one to three people who are really sensitive to our needs and to whom we want to be committed. Using our example, by going to three cooking classes and going to open lectures and parties related to cooking, you might meet 100 women. You would screen out half of them as not being openly friendly and look more closely at the 50 who are left. (Remember that this is going on over time.) Prioritizing by whom you are most drawn to, you might begin asking women, one-by-one or even in a group, to go to lunch with you. Those who have a lot of trouble finding time might not have time for a friendship at this time. So rule them out. Now, out of the 50 you have only 20 that actually go out to lunch with you. Those who interest you most, you ask to lunch again. Then you wait for reciprocity. Those who ask you out to lunch are interested in a friendship and able to think of your needs as well as theirs.

These one to three people will not be close friends yet. The friendship will just be a possibility. To become close friends takes time while trust grows.

MOVING FROM ACQUAINTANCE TO CLOSE FRIEND

When you meet people, each of you is wondering if you will be safe in the personal encounter and in the long run. So you have to start a process of opening up to each other to see what happens. It is not only "okay" to test a relationship – it is the smart thing to do. Go into your relationships with your eyes wide open.

To test out a person for friendship requires you to "open up" and risk.

Lots of people are afraid to risk opening up. They may be afraid they will sound dumb or silly. They may fear conflict with others. They are usually afraid of getting hurt. These problems usually stem from childhood experiences and can be overcome with professional counseling. You can better the whole outcome of your life by getting a little counseling/psychotherapy. It should be well worth it.

Start with being pleasant and obeying acceptable social standards of friendly behavior. If the person does not return the social graces, move on and become friendly with someone else. This person is either not friendship material or not interested in being friendly with you for some reason or other. Don’t worry about it! You only need a couple of good friends. You will screen out many people to find each and every close friend.

Then progress to talking about facts about yourself, your family, things you are doing and about the world in general. Facts are those things that are easily provable and should not be controversial or questionable. If a person argues with you about these simple facts, look elsewhere for a friend.

Next, move on to talking about your ideas and thoughts. These are yours. A suitable friend will show interest in your thoughts and ideas. He or she might not agree with them, but there will be interest. Your closest friends do not need to agree with everything you think, but they must show tolerance and interest. If the person gets upset with your thoughts and ideas, toss him or her as a possible close friend. Remember: disagreeing is not getting upset with you.

If the person passes the tests so far, you are getting close to finding "close friend material". The next and "almost final" test is sharing your feelings and values. These are the real you. (Your thoughts were also, but they probably came out of your values.) Be yourself and tell how you really feel about things. Relate your values – what you really stand for. (You don’t want to start sharing at this level unless you are very comfortable with rejection. You want to apply the previous tests of facts and thoughts first.) With someone who has passed the tests of social graces, facts, and thoughts, there is greater likelihood that he or she will value the real you as expressed in values and feelings.

The final test is whether or not the person can deny himself or herself for your needs when the chips are down, or at least often enough to satisfy you that the relationship is reciprocal.

When you find a person who passes all of the tests, be straightforward about being long-lasting friends. You might say something like this: "I have really appreciated our friendship and discussions. Do you have time and would you be interested in a friendship that might last for a while?"

I know that this sounds awkward. If you are a person who can intuitively know when you and another are going to be longtime friends, you don’t need to say anything. But for the majority, it is not a bad idea to commit to one another as close friends to avoid misunderstanding and hurt. Notice that the above suggestion has a "face-saving, escape clause" – do you have time? – that allows for nonacceptance of a deep friendship without rejection.

YOU MUST BE "CLOSE FRIENDSHIP MATERIAL"

People want their closest friends to be interested in them, support them and be loyal to them. So, whether or not you are "close friend material" will depend upon how much you can focus on someone other than yourself.

Give yourself this test. Can you think of the three most important challenges or struggles of your closest friends or relatives? Have you encouraged them on these three things in the last month? If not, maybe they are merely companions. Or, maybe you have a difficult time focusing on others for some reason or other. This you should remedy!

Of course, if you cannot return friendly greetings, accept facts, show interest in thoughts and ideas of another, appreciate (not necessarily agree) another’s feelings and values, and put the other person’s needs ahead of your own, you are not friendship material. Take care of this. Get some counseling and find out what is getting in your way.

If you are able to be a good friend, consider having one of your closest friends be one with a lot of needs. You are strong and able to give to another. But don’t have more than one closest friend who is always "needy" or you will burn out or get trapped.

SUSTAINING FRIENDSHIPS

Remember that everyone, even you, are difficult to get along with at times. When the going gets rough, don’t lose a good, close friend. Cut some slack. Be understanding. If you have to, share your fear that the friendship will be lost. Hang in there. Don’t withdraw to protect yourself right away. Try a few times to close the gap.

A good friendship can be most valuable. If anything threatens it, and you value the friendship highly, get counseling help for the friendship. One or both of you can go to a counselor to save what you have hoped for and invested in. (Business partners often have to do this also. It is not just for marriages and families.)



How to Find Good Friends

How to Find Really Good, Long-Lasting Friends

Finding really good, close friends is not much easier than finding someone to marry or a reliable business partner. Although I cannot guarantee that the following advice will work for you, some of these hints might be helpful.

ACQUAINTANCES – COMPANIONS – CLOSE FRIENDS

Most of the people you will call "friends" will only be acquaintances. You can call them friends because they are friendly to you. However, these people will not necessarily be those you enjoy doing things with as companions.

You will most likely find a small group of people with whom you like to do things in the areas of your interests. There are lots of things that we do not like doing alone. Some things we can’t do alone. So we all need companions. Companions are friends. Some companions become close friends.

But your close friends will not be mere acquaintances. And they may not be your companions. Close friends are usually those 1-3 people you trust with most parts of your life. For example, you may know someone who likes to go to garage sales, like you do. However, that person may be a gossip and you would not want to share the deeper, more private parts of your life. Nevertheless, he or she can be a good companion with whom you go to garage sales.

I recommend at least three very close friends. It is great if your spouse is one of them, but then I might recommend four. (Five is probably too many to take good care of.) Closest friends are those you can be yourself with, not necessarily those you do things with. Certainly, you do things with your closest friends, but those activities are not the main attraction -- the friend is. (With companions, on the other hand, the activity is the primary thing.)

Close friends are those who have proven to be very interested in your welfare and who want you to be very interested in their welfare. Close friends are those who would be thrilled to be of use to you in a crisis, even if that difficulty arose at 3 in the morning. Close friends give you loyalty and hold confidences. And they want and need your loyalty and confidentiality also.

Close friends are to be helpful to you. So make sure that you do not pick carbon copies of yourself. Those kinds of friends cannot be of much help. Variety in close friends is vital. You and your friends should be building one another up – that’s the main purpose of a close friendship.

Often in a marriage, companions are the friends couples do things with. But often each partner has close friends apart from those companions. Or it might sometimes be that, in another couple who function as companions, only one person is a close friend of the husband or wife.

SELECTING POTENTIAL FRIENDS

Intimate friendships heal. You want close friends, not easy relationships. Relationships based on easy acquisition usually don’t last, fail and hurt. Loneliness is increased.

You might want to begin by listing the qualities and interests you want in your closest friends. Don’t be afraid of being a little picky at this stage. Remember that superficial relationships don’t really work. For acquaintances and companions, maybe, but not for closest friends.

So make that list of what you are looking for in closest friends. After you have made your list, ask yourself, "Where do these kind of people hang out?" By asking this question, you will identify where you might go to meet some good candidates for close friendships.

Most people think that finding good friends will be easy. Most likely it will not. It takes time to find friends you can count on for years and years to come. People want to find good friends from the pool of people who naturally cross their path. But that will work only if your path produces the kind of people you are looking for.

For example, let’s suppose that high on your list of desired characteristics are (1) serious about cooking or fishing, (2) kind to people, (3) not critical, and (4) has time available for a friendship. You want a lifetime friend (or at least a friend for five years) who has these characteristics. If you seek to find such a person along your usual path which includes taking kids to daycare/school, working at an office and shopping for weekly necessities, you will have to meet an awful lot of people to come up with a few who have the four desired characteristics.

The approach I am recommending takes more thought and a little longer span of time, but it just might produce that kind of friend or friends you are really looking for. And if the fit is great, not just good, those friendships might last a lifetime. My theory is that not being so particular will get you friends who disappear in a year or two and you have to go through the whole dog-gone process all over again.

Doing a little thinking about the four desired characteristics listed above (which I just now "pulled out of the hat"), I would begin by meeting someone at optional events like a cooking (men: fishing) class or club, because I assume that, if they have time for something extra, they might have time for a new friendship. During the club or class I would analyze comments in order to screen out those who are obviously critical and unkind. Then, while I would be friendly to everyone, I would be especially friendly to those who look more accepting and more open to others.

Just like the princess who has to kiss a whole lot of frogs to find a suitable prince, each of us needs to meet a lot of people and then narrow it down until we have found one to three people who are really sensitive to our needs and to whom we want to be committed. Using our example, by going to three cooking classes and going to open lectures and parties related to cooking, you might meet 100 women. You would screen out half of them as not being openly friendly and look more closely at the 50 who are left. (Remember that this is going on over time.) Prioritizing by whom you are most drawn to, you might begin asking women, one-by-one or even in a group, to go to lunch with you. Those who have a lot of trouble finding time might not have time for a friendship at this time. So rule them out. Now, out of the 50 you have only 20 that actually go out to lunch with you. Those who interest you most, you ask to lunch again. Then you wait for reciprocity. Those who ask you out to lunch are interested in a friendship and able to think of your needs as well as theirs.

These one to three people will not be close friends yet. The friendship will just be a possibility. To become close friends takes time while trust grows.

MOVING FROM ACQUAINTANCE TO CLOSE FRIEND

When you meet people, each of you is wondering if you will be safe in the personal encounter and in the long run. So you have to start a process of opening up to each other to see what happens. It is not only "okay" to test a relationship – it is the smart thing to do. Go into your relationships with your eyes wide open.

To test out a person for friendship requires you to "open up" and risk.

Lots of people are afraid to risk opening up. They may be afraid they will sound dumb or silly. They may fear conflict with others. They are usually afraid of getting hurt. These problems usually stem from childhood experiences and can be overcome with professional counseling. You can better the whole outcome of your life by getting a little counseling/psychotherapy. It should be well worth it.

Start with being pleasant and obeying acceptable social standards of friendly behavior. If the person does not return the social graces, move on and become friendly with someone else. This person is either not friendship material or not interested in being friendly with you for some reason or other. Don’t worry about it! You only need a couple of good friends. You will screen out many people to find each and every close friend.

Then progress to talking about facts about yourself, your family, things you are doing and about the world in general. Facts are those things that are easily provable and should not be controversial or questionable. If a person argues with you about these simple facts, look elsewhere for a friend.

Next, move on to talking about your ideas and thoughts. These are yours. A suitable friend will show interest in your thoughts and ideas. He or she might not agree with them, but there will be interest. Your closest friends do not need to agree with everything you think, but they must show tolerance and interest. If the person gets upset with your thoughts and ideas, toss him or her as a possible close friend. Remember: disagreeing is not getting upset with you.

If the person passes the tests so far, you are getting close to finding "close friend material". The next and "almost final" test is sharing your feelings and values. These are the real you. (Your thoughts were also, but they probably came out of your values.) Be yourself and tell how you really feel about things. Relate your values – what you really stand for. (You don’t want to start sharing at this level unless you are very comfortable with rejection. You want to apply the previous tests of facts and thoughts first.) With someone who has passed the tests of social graces, facts, and thoughts, there is greater likelihood that he or she will value the real you as expressed in values and feelings.

The final test is whether or not the person can deny himself or herself for your needs when the chips are down, or at least often enough to satisfy you that the relationship is reciprocal.

When you find a person who passes all of the tests, be straightforward about being long-lasting friends. You might say something like this: "I have really appreciated our friendship and discussions. Do you have time and would you be interested in a friendship that might last for a while?"

I know that this sounds awkward. If you are a person who can intuitively know when you and another are going to be longtime friends, you don’t need to say anything. But for the majority, it is not a bad idea to commit to one another as close friends to avoid misunderstanding and hurt. Notice that the above suggestion has a "face-saving, escape clause" – do you have time? – that allows for nonacceptance of a deep friendship without rejection.

YOU MUST BE "CLOSE FRIENDSHIP MATERIAL"

People want their closest friends to be interested in them, support them and be loyal to them. So, whether or not you are "close friend material" will depend upon how much you can focus on someone other than yourself.

Give yourself this test. Can you think of the three most important challenges or struggles of your closest friends or relatives? Have you encouraged them on these three things in the last month? If not, maybe they are merely companions. Or, maybe you have a difficult time focusing on others for some reason or other. This you should remedy!

Of course, if you cannot return friendly greetings, accept facts, show interest in thoughts and ideas of another, appreciate (not necessarily agree) another’s feelings and values, and put the other person’s needs ahead of your own, you are not friendship material. Take care of this. Get some counseling and find out what is getting in your way.

If you are able to be a good friend, consider having one of your closest friends be one with a lot of needs. You are strong and able to give to another. But don’t have more than one closest friend who is always "needy" or you will burn out or get trapped.

SUSTAINING FRIENDSHIPS

Remember that everyone, even you, are difficult to get along with at times. When the going gets rough, don’t lose a good, close friend. Cut some slack. Be understanding. If you have to, share your fear that the friendship will be lost. Hang in there. Don’t withdraw to protect yourself right away. Try a few times to close the gap.

A good friendship can be most valuable. If anything threatens it, and you value the friendship highly, get counseling help for the friendship. One or both of you can go to a counselor to save what you have hoped for and invested in. (Business partners often have to do this also. It is not just for marriages and families.)

Friendship

Friendship is more than just being friends. It is a connection deep within the spiritual soul that is an unearned gift of love.

“True friendship is seen through the heart not through the eyes.”
Unknown

Friendship is one of those parts of life that we at times take for granted. It rolls off of our tongues as if we expect it to be present in all areas of our lives. I hear our ‘friendship is forever’ or ‘friends always’ is a common thread that runs through our lives. But in truth how many true friendships do you have? Think for a moment and list those you feel are true friends and those with which you have a close relationship. Are they true friends? Is their friendship from the heart? How many people do you truly see as friends?

“Friendship is a living thing that lasts only as long as it is nourished with kindness, empathy and understanding.”
Author Unknown

Friendship is a gift that two people give to each other. It is not an expected result of meeting but a true and unanticipated gift of enormous potential. True friends form a special connection that will weather any storm. True friends understand being human and give the other room to grow. True friends are there even when they are not expected to be present. True friends know and cherish each other’s gift.

“Friendship is love with understanding.”
Author Unknown

Friendship is a path of unrelenting compassion. It is a view of life that encompasses not just your life but the life of the other. It is a special bond that is created out of genuine affection and is given freely to those who have shown their truth. It is given without the thought of reward but with the essence of the heart which longs for this special connection.

“Life is to be fortified by many friendships. To love and to be loved is the greatest happiness of existence.”
Sydney Smith (1771 - 1845)

When friendship comes from the heart it forms a link to our soul that cannot be broken. It connects so strongly that even death does not sever the cord. That type of friendship exists forever in the realm of wonder for true friendship is genuinely a wondrous thing. It connects the physical with the spiritual and creates an energy that is impossible to describe.

“False friendship, like the ivy, decays and ruins the walls it embraces; but true friendship gives new life and animation to the object it supports.”
Richard Burton

Friendship brings light into your world for it gives you the missing link to your soul. It provides a passageway from one heart to another and allows the transference of peace and solitude. Friendship gives and receives all that your innermost spirit desires for within friendship you will discover the Creator’s love.

“The best mirror is an old friend.”
George Herbert, 1651

When you look at your true friends you will uncover who you are. You will see a reflection of your soul and will in turn become educated in the pathway you follow. You will see your world before you and will see without any doubts the truth of your way. You see true friends are simply your self in disguise. By uncovering that disguise you see before your eyes the world you created and the being your have become.

“What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.”
Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC), from Diogenes Laertius, Lives of Eminent Philosophers

By understanding the true value of a friend you begin to see the importance of looking at the reflection they provide and peering into the life you lead. You will see all the gifts you bring into the world as well as any shortcoming you may possess. You will also become a witness to the beauty, wonder, and peace that you give to the world and understand your contribution to the ongoing discoveries you will make.

“Remember, the greatest gift is not found in a store nor under a tree, but in the hearts of true friends.”
Cindy Lew

Think of your true friends and be grateful for the gifts they bring to your life. Allow your hearts to connect and bring comfort to each other. Expand your world by seeing through their eyes. Give them your love in return for each friend you have is an unearned gift that should be accepted with grace and thankfulness.

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”
Anais Nin (1903 - 1977)

Need of Friend & Friendship

Why we need friendships when we have a lovely life in this world.

Why we need friends in our life.

Well friends, this is a tedious question to answer. Lets see each questions.

Why we need friendships?

Friendships are the gift to the man kind. The relation which we get in this world are blood related. But the only relationships which doesnot related to blood is friendship. Friendship has many forms and shapes. It is like water. If we pour the water into a jug it takes the shape of jug. if you pour the same water into a bowl it takes the shape o bowl. Sameway friendships will take a different shapes and sizes according to our heart. Friendship gives pleasure to human beings. Where there is friendship then there will not be any sorrow. When you see a child laughing you will forget your sorrows for a second, sameway when you are with a friend you forget your sorrows.

Friendships crosses boundries

The world is rotating smoothly because of the friendly hearts in the world. it crosses boundries and share a mutual bonding of love. Friendships will take care of this entire world from problems. If we are friends then our countries will, when our countries are friends then there is not need of weapons. So take weapon named friendship and love and conqure the world with love.

Friendships saves life

Trusted true friendships never makes others down. it helps a lot to make friends to comeup from the situation. Friendships never expect anything in return for all its offering. It saves life without looking into situation.

Why we need friends & friendships?

Friends comes with friendships, They are the channel of love and affection. Friends are like child’s heart which doesn’t know wrong thinkings. When there is a friend with us we feel secure, happy, huge support, and comfortable which you can’t get from others.

So Lets get some real friends in this world. and lets Be Friends.