Monday, July 28, 2008

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Hints for Great Friendships



To become a good friend, you have to work at opening up your life to be available. This means that you will have to place some limits on self-protection. Looking out for yourself, in this sense, means not only looking out for yourself. There is probably not enough time to do all that you want to do. Yet to make a good friend, you will likely have to cut back on all the things that you want to do. There are so many things to do that people who want to be good friends have to make some conscious decisions to not do some of the activities available to them. This also applies to being private. Close friends are internally available to one another. By this I mean that their thoughts and feelings are available. You cannot be much of a good friend if you play it too careful with what you think and how you feel. Especially important is the ability to tell your friend how you think and how you feel about him or her.

True friends help each other. Spend time thinking about your friend. What is going on in his or her life? What might she or he think about that? How might she or he feel about it?

But before you can be of much help to your friend, you must understand your friend. No matter how much you see you and your friend as being alike, you are infinitely different, at least in the specific particulars of life. Understanding your friend is empathy. The best way to be able to accurately empathize with your friend is to dialogue. Dialogue is one of the only ways that you will ever get to know your friend.

Dialogue is that kind of communication designed just for getting to know and understand another. Dialogue uses the inquisitive question, "Why?" for the purpose of finding out how a friend thinks and feels. In dialogue, you try to keep asking "why?" until you get down to the heart of the matter and the "insides" of your friend. You are wanting to understand, so that you can be of help. When life gives your friend troubles, you want your help and advice to be tailored to your friend. That will mean saying things a bit different than you would talk to yourself, just because you are different.

Friends are like chests of buried treasure filled with jewels. Dialogue helps you find all those fascinating things about your friend. Every thing you learn can be exciting with the right attitude. You do not have to agree or want the same things or see things the same way to be in wonder at your friends likes, dislikes, choices, etc. Since "being" together is much more important to close friends than "doing" together, what you learn about one another is the prize! People want to be known and accepted.

Friendship requires acceptance. Acceptance does not always mean "approval". But it does mean loving tolerance for a few shortcomings. Acceptance means that you appreciate many things about your friend, especially those things that are different from yourself and your way of thinking and feeling. Friends who are just like you might seem "wonderful", but they will have little to offer you in the way of different ways of seeing things or different experiences to enjoy. Photocopy friends are in some ways dangerous. They seem safe because they so easily understand you. But when the chips are down, they will misunderstand things just as you do. When you need a fresh perspective to get out of a jam, they will be of limited help compared to a close friend who is much different than you.

True friendship looks out for what is best for the friend. And sometimes this means saying something that is honest, but will not be welcomed at first. If your friend takes what you have said as hurtful, quietly and patiently help your friend to know that you did not mean to hurt – only to help. This is an important skill in friendship – to hang in there to reassure rather than to withdraw for your own safety.

Some friends will be guarded and not open up readily. This is most likely due to it being dangerous during childhood to speak and tell how they really felt and what they really thought. These friends need your patient help to see that it is safe to speak from inside of themselves. They will need you to model open honesty, thus showing them that it is truly safe.

It is probably a good principle to always assume that you do not understand what another person has said. This will prompt you to ask questions. Asking questions shows that you are interested in truly understanding what another has said. It is very flattering to your friend for you to ask questions. And don’t often preface your questions with the statement, "I don’t understand." Just ask the questions. For example, your friend says that she likes ice cream. Don’t say, "I’m with you. I like ice cream too." Ask what kind of ice cream, and when she tells you she likes rocky road, don’t even then think you understand much. Ask why she likes rocky road and find out if it is the texture, a childhood memory, or something else. Of course, if the subject is something more important than ice cream, and they all should be, it is even more important to ask questions and assume you do not yet understand.

All friendships take work. Relationships that are "easy" are shallow. All of us make mistakes and have some bad, even hurtful, habits. The cycle of hurt feelings, understanding and forgiveness is often needed in friendships.

When a friend is acting "yucky", it probably means that he or she is going through something difficult and needs understanding from you. Instead of running away from the undesirable behavior, you need to ask what is wrong. Then see if you can offer helpful comments of empathy and then advice.

When a friend hurts you, try to hold your assumptions in question. Although you feel hurt, it is probably unlikely that a close friend wanted to hurt you. In fact, there might very well be another explanation. You could have heard something different than what was intended. You could have interpreted the action incorrectly. Or you might not understand the situation your friend was in, and how it was so very difficult for your friend.

When you feel hurt by your friend, don’t assume that you were hurt – only that you feel hurt. First ask your friend if he or she meant to hurt you. Once your friend has said no hurt was intended, ask your friend why he or she said what he or she said or did what he or she did. Hold off making judgments and keep asking "why?" until you fully understand why your friend does not think that he or she meant to hurt you.

Remember that your friend cannot do better and better at being your friend unless you tell what you need from the friendship. And try to get beyond "companion thinking" where you just think of the things that you want to do with your friend. That’s okay, but if it does not go further, you will only have a companion and miss having a close friend. Close friends take some of their personal needs into the relationship. And that is not bad – unless one of you has so many needs as to be overwhelming. But the needs for encouragement, reciprocity, truthful feedback, and many other personal things are very important. Anything without them is not a true, close friendship.

Remember that words make up only 10-20% of the message. Body language, tone of voice, timing, and other factors make up the whole message. Keep in mind that you may be sending out nonverbal messages that might be misunderstood. For example, if you are a person who is pretty much inside of yourself, you might not show any excitement when you meet your friend at a restaurant. Eventually your friend might value another friendship more because he or she knows for sure that he or she is someone another person looks forward to seeing.

Whenever you talk to someone, remember to whom you are talking. With a close friend, where you know a lot about one another, you will know pretty much to whom you are talking. You will know how he or she sees things differently than you do. Therefore, you will phrase things in a way she or he can best understand rather than the easiest way for you to say things.

NOTE: If you lose friends frequently, it is a good idea for you to find out why and what you need to change. This would be a legitimate reason to seek professional counseling. You want to find out what you do in friendships that is dysfunctional. It is smart – very smart – to get over this problem. By doing so, you will change the whole course of your life!



Thursday, July 17, 2008

Happy Friendship

How to have happy friends? This is a very important question. Who likes friends who don't smile and laugh? Who enjoys meeting friends who look serious? Not any one of us.



What about ourselves? Do we make happy friendships? Do we make our friends happy? Before thinking about others, wouldn't it be better if we first analyze our own selves? Do we smile more often when we are with our friends? Do we laugh at the smallest joke? Or do we have a serious expression on our face all the time with our friends? Let us first think about our own behavior and correct whatever we can.



Making happy friendships



Make yourself look happy with your friends and your friends will reflect. That is the secret of happy friendship. Our emotions are reflected in our body language. The reverse is equally true. Does this help us? It does. It can change our state of mind by changing our physical state. For example, if you are feeling bored, try to look cheerful and you will start becoming cheerful. It is strange, but it works. If you are feeling sad, try to look happy. You will find the sadness going away. Isn't it great?



How do we talk with friends?



Happiness also depends on what do we talk with our friends. Are we always talking of our own life or do we also listen to them. Listening is the best way to make friends happy. Listen and do it carefully. No pretensions. Your friends will be happy that someone heard them out without interruption. You will also be making your friendship stronger. Listening is very good.

By listening, we make the other person feel important. we also make him/her feel happy and relieved. By talking things out, one feels relieved. Isn't it?



Give and you shall receive- the third law of Newton. Apply this law in your life and make happy friends. You can make them happy right now by telling them about how much you appreciate their friendship. Listening to your friends, keeping a happy state of mind in their company and appreciating the friendship will make happy friends. Make your life happier and your relationships stronger with happy friends.

How to Find Good Friends

How to Find Really Good, Long-Lasting Friends

Finding really good, close friends is not much easier than finding someone to marry or a reliable business partner. Although I cannot guarantee that the following advice will work for you, some of these hints might be helpful.

ACQUAINTANCES – COMPANIONS – CLOSE FRIENDS

Most of the people you will call "friends" will only be acquaintances. You can call them friends because they are friendly to you. However, these people will not necessarily be those you enjoy doing things with as companions.

You will most likely find a small group of people with whom you like to do things in the areas of your interests. There are lots of things that we do not like doing alone. Some things we can’t do alone. So we all need companions. Companions are friends. Some companions become close friends.

But your close friends will not be mere acquaintances. And they may not be your companions. Close friends are usually those 1-3 people you trust with most parts of your life. For example, you may know someone who likes to go to garage sales, like you do. However, that person may be a gossip and you would not want to share the deeper, more private parts of your life. Nevertheless, he or she can be a good companion with whom you go to garage sales.

I recommend at least three very close friends. It is great if your spouse is one of them, but then I might recommend four. (Five is probably too many to take good care of.) Closest friends are those you can be yourself with, not necessarily those you do things with. Certainly, you do things with your closest friends, but those activities are not the main attraction -- the friend is. (With companions, on the other hand, the activity is the primary thing.)

Close friends are those who have proven to be very interested in your welfare and who want you to be very interested in their welfare. Close friends are those who would be thrilled to be of use to you in a crisis, even if that difficulty arose at 3 in the morning. Close friends give you loyalty and hold confidences. And they want and need your loyalty and confidentiality also.

Close friends are to be helpful to you. So make sure that you do not pick carbon copies of yourself. Those kinds of friends cannot be of much help. Variety in close friends is vital. You and your friends should be building one another up – that’s the main purpose of a close friendship.

Often in a marriage, companions are the friends couples do things with. But often each partner has close friends apart from those companions. Or it might sometimes be that, in another couple who function as companions, only one person is a close friend of the husband or wife.

SELECTING POTENTIAL FRIENDS

Intimate friendships heal. You want close friends, not easy relationships. Relationships based on easy acquisition usually don’t last, fail and hurt. Loneliness is increased.

You might want to begin by listing the qualities and interests you want in your closest friends. Don’t be afraid of being a little picky at this stage. Remember that superficial relationships don’t really work. For acquaintances and companions, maybe, but not for closest friends.

So make that list of what you are looking for in closest friends. After you have made your list, ask yourself, "Where do these kind of people hang out?" By asking this question, you will identify where you might go to meet some good candidates for close friendships.

Most people think that finding good friends will be easy. Most likely it will not. It takes time to find friends you can count on for years and years to come. People want to find good friends from the pool of people who naturally cross their path. But that will work only if your path produces the kind of people you are looking for.

For example, let’s suppose that high on your list of desired characteristics are (1) serious about cooking or fishing, (2) kind to people, (3) not critical, and (4) has time available for a friendship. You want a lifetime friend (or at least a friend for five years) who has these characteristics. If you seek to find such a person along your usual path which includes taking kids to daycare/school, working at an office and shopping for weekly necessities, you will have to meet an awful lot of people to come up with a few who have the four desired characteristics.

The approach I am recommending takes more thought and a little longer span of time, but it just might produce that kind of friend or friends you are really looking for. And if the fit is great, not just good, those friendships might last a lifetime. My theory is that not being so particular will get you friends who disappear in a year or two and you have to go through the whole dog-gone process all over again.

Doing a little thinking about the four desired characteristics listed above (which I just now "pulled out of the hat"), I would begin by meeting someone at optional events like a cooking (men: fishing) class or club, because I assume that, if they have time for something extra, they might have time for a new friendship. During the club or class I would analyze comments in order to screen out those who are obviously critical and unkind. Then, while I would be friendly to everyone, I would be especially friendly to those who look more accepting and more open to others.

Just like the princess who has to kiss a whole lot of frogs to find a suitable prince, each of us needs to meet a lot of people and then narrow it down until we have found one to three people who are really sensitive to our needs and to whom we want to be committed. Using our example, by going to three cooking classes and going to open lectures and parties related to cooking, you might meet 100 women. You would screen out half of them as not being openly friendly and look more closely at the 50 who are left. (Remember that this is going on over time.) Prioritizing by whom you are most drawn to, you might begin asking women, one-by-one or even in a group, to go to lunch with you. Those who have a lot of trouble finding time might not have time for a friendship at this time. So rule them out. Now, out of the 50 you have only 20 that actually go out to lunch with you. Those who interest you most, you ask to lunch again. Then you wait for reciprocity. Those who ask you out to lunch are interested in a friendship and able to think of your needs as well as theirs.

These one to three people will not be close friends yet. The friendship will just be a possibility. To become close friends takes time while trust grows.

MOVING FROM ACQUAINTANCE TO CLOSE FRIEND

When you meet people, each of you is wondering if you will be safe in the personal encounter and in the long run. So you have to start a process of opening up to each other to see what happens. It is not only "okay" to test a relationship – it is the smart thing to do. Go into your relationships with your eyes wide open.

To test out a person for friendship requires you to "open up" and risk.

Lots of people are afraid to risk opening up. They may be afraid they will sound dumb or silly. They may fear conflict with others. They are usually afraid of getting hurt. These problems usually stem from childhood experiences and can be overcome with professional counseling. You can better the whole outcome of your life by getting a little counseling/psychotherapy. It should be well worth it.

Start with being pleasant and obeying acceptable social standards of friendly behavior. If the person does not return the social graces, move on and become friendly with someone else. This person is either not friendship material or not interested in being friendly with you for some reason or other. Don’t worry about it! You only need a couple of good friends. You will screen out many people to find each and every close friend.

Then progress to talking about facts about yourself, your family, things you are doing and about the world in general. Facts are those things that are easily provable and should not be controversial or questionable. If a person argues with you about these simple facts, look elsewhere for a friend.

Next, move on to talking about your ideas and thoughts. These are yours. A suitable friend will show interest in your thoughts and ideas. He or she might not agree with them, but there will be interest. Your closest friends do not need to agree with everything you think, but they must show tolerance and interest. If the person gets upset with your thoughts and ideas, toss him or her as a possible close friend. Remember: disagreeing is not getting upset with you.

If the person passes the tests so far, you are getting close to finding "close friend material". The next and "almost final" test is sharing your feelings and values. These are the real you. (Your thoughts were also, but they probably came out of your values.) Be yourself and tell how you really feel about things. Relate your values – what you really stand for. (You don’t want to start sharing at this level unless you are very comfortable with rejection. You want to apply the previous tests of facts and thoughts first.) With someone who has passed the tests of social graces, facts, and thoughts, there is greater likelihood that he or she will value the real you as expressed in values and feelings.

The final test is whether or not the person can deny himself or herself for your needs when the chips are down, or at least often enough to satisfy you that the relationship is reciprocal.

When you find a person who passes all of the tests, be straightforward about being long-lasting friends. You might say something like this: "I have really appreciated our friendship and discussions. Do you have time and would you be interested in a friendship that might last for a while?"

I know that this sounds awkward. If you are a person who can intuitively know when you and another are going to be longtime friends, you don’t need to say anything. But for the majority, it is not a bad idea to commit to one another as close friends to avoid misunderstanding and hurt. Notice that the above suggestion has a "face-saving, escape clause" – do you have time? – that allows for nonacceptance of a deep friendship without rejection.

YOU MUST BE "CLOSE FRIENDSHIP MATERIAL"

People want their closest friends to be interested in them, support them and be loyal to them. So, whether or not you are "close friend material" will depend upon how much you can focus on someone other than yourself.

Give yourself this test. Can you think of the three most important challenges or struggles of your closest friends or relatives? Have you encouraged them on these three things in the last month? If not, maybe they are merely companions. Or, maybe you have a difficult time focusing on others for some reason or other. This you should remedy!

Of course, if you cannot return friendly greetings, accept facts, show interest in thoughts and ideas of another, appreciate (not necessarily agree) another’s feelings and values, and put the other person’s needs ahead of your own, you are not friendship material. Take care of this. Get some counseling and find out what is getting in your way.

If you are able to be a good friend, consider having one of your closest friends be one with a lot of needs. You are strong and able to give to another. But don’t have more than one closest friend who is always "needy" or you will burn out or get trapped.

SUSTAINING FRIENDSHIPS

Remember that everyone, even you, are difficult to get along with at times. When the going gets rough, don’t lose a good, close friend. Cut some slack. Be understanding. If you have to, share your fear that the friendship will be lost. Hang in there. Don’t withdraw to protect yourself right away. Try a few times to close the gap.

A good friendship can be most valuable. If anything threatens it, and you value the friendship highly, get counseling help for the friendship. One or both of you can go to a counselor to save what you have hoped for and invested in. (Business partners often have to do this also. It is not just for marriages and families.)



How to Find Good Friends

How to Find Really Good, Long-Lasting Friends

Finding really good, close friends is not much easier than finding someone to marry or a reliable business partner. Although I cannot guarantee that the following advice will work for you, some of these hints might be helpful.

ACQUAINTANCES – COMPANIONS – CLOSE FRIENDS

Most of the people you will call "friends" will only be acquaintances. You can call them friends because they are friendly to you. However, these people will not necessarily be those you enjoy doing things with as companions.

You will most likely find a small group of people with whom you like to do things in the areas of your interests. There are lots of things that we do not like doing alone. Some things we can’t do alone. So we all need companions. Companions are friends. Some companions become close friends.

But your close friends will not be mere acquaintances. And they may not be your companions. Close friends are usually those 1-3 people you trust with most parts of your life. For example, you may know someone who likes to go to garage sales, like you do. However, that person may be a gossip and you would not want to share the deeper, more private parts of your life. Nevertheless, he or she can be a good companion with whom you go to garage sales.

I recommend at least three very close friends. It is great if your spouse is one of them, but then I might recommend four. (Five is probably too many to take good care of.) Closest friends are those you can be yourself with, not necessarily those you do things with. Certainly, you do things with your closest friends, but those activities are not the main attraction -- the friend is. (With companions, on the other hand, the activity is the primary thing.)

Close friends are those who have proven to be very interested in your welfare and who want you to be very interested in their welfare. Close friends are those who would be thrilled to be of use to you in a crisis, even if that difficulty arose at 3 in the morning. Close friends give you loyalty and hold confidences. And they want and need your loyalty and confidentiality also.

Close friends are to be helpful to you. So make sure that you do not pick carbon copies of yourself. Those kinds of friends cannot be of much help. Variety in close friends is vital. You and your friends should be building one another up – that’s the main purpose of a close friendship.

Often in a marriage, companions are the friends couples do things with. But often each partner has close friends apart from those companions. Or it might sometimes be that, in another couple who function as companions, only one person is a close friend of the husband or wife.

SELECTING POTENTIAL FRIENDS

Intimate friendships heal. You want close friends, not easy relationships. Relationships based on easy acquisition usually don’t last, fail and hurt. Loneliness is increased.

You might want to begin by listing the qualities and interests you want in your closest friends. Don’t be afraid of being a little picky at this stage. Remember that superficial relationships don’t really work. For acquaintances and companions, maybe, but not for closest friends.

So make that list of what you are looking for in closest friends. After you have made your list, ask yourself, "Where do these kind of people hang out?" By asking this question, you will identify where you might go to meet some good candidates for close friendships.

Most people think that finding good friends will be easy. Most likely it will not. It takes time to find friends you can count on for years and years to come. People want to find good friends from the pool of people who naturally cross their path. But that will work only if your path produces the kind of people you are looking for.

For example, let’s suppose that high on your list of desired characteristics are (1) serious about cooking or fishing, (2) kind to people, (3) not critical, and (4) has time available for a friendship. You want a lifetime friend (or at least a friend for five years) who has these characteristics. If you seek to find such a person along your usual path which includes taking kids to daycare/school, working at an office and shopping for weekly necessities, you will have to meet an awful lot of people to come up with a few who have the four desired characteristics.

The approach I am recommending takes more thought and a little longer span of time, but it just might produce that kind of friend or friends you are really looking for. And if the fit is great, not just good, those friendships might last a lifetime. My theory is that not being so particular will get you friends who disappear in a year or two and you have to go through the whole dog-gone process all over again.

Doing a little thinking about the four desired characteristics listed above (which I just now "pulled out of the hat"), I would begin by meeting someone at optional events like a cooking (men: fishing) class or club, because I assume that, if they have time for something extra, they might have time for a new friendship. During the club or class I would analyze comments in order to screen out those who are obviously critical and unkind. Then, while I would be friendly to everyone, I would be especially friendly to those who look more accepting and more open to others.

Just like the princess who has to kiss a whole lot of frogs to find a suitable prince, each of us needs to meet a lot of people and then narrow it down until we have found one to three people who are really sensitive to our needs and to whom we want to be committed. Using our example, by going to three cooking classes and going to open lectures and parties related to cooking, you might meet 100 women. You would screen out half of them as not being openly friendly and look more closely at the 50 who are left. (Remember that this is going on over time.) Prioritizing by whom you are most drawn to, you might begin asking women, one-by-one or even in a group, to go to lunch with you. Those who have a lot of trouble finding time might not have time for a friendship at this time. So rule them out. Now, out of the 50 you have only 20 that actually go out to lunch with you. Those who interest you most, you ask to lunch again. Then you wait for reciprocity. Those who ask you out to lunch are interested in a friendship and able to think of your needs as well as theirs.

These one to three people will not be close friends yet. The friendship will just be a possibility. To become close friends takes time while trust grows.

MOVING FROM ACQUAINTANCE TO CLOSE FRIEND

When you meet people, each of you is wondering if you will be safe in the personal encounter and in the long run. So you have to start a process of opening up to each other to see what happens. It is not only "okay" to test a relationship – it is the smart thing to do. Go into your relationships with your eyes wide open.

To test out a person for friendship requires you to "open up" and risk.

Lots of people are afraid to risk opening up. They may be afraid they will sound dumb or silly. They may fear conflict with others. They are usually afraid of getting hurt. These problems usually stem from childhood experiences and can be overcome with professional counseling. You can better the whole outcome of your life by getting a little counseling/psychotherapy. It should be well worth it.

Start with being pleasant and obeying acceptable social standards of friendly behavior. If the person does not return the social graces, move on and become friendly with someone else. This person is either not friendship material or not interested in being friendly with you for some reason or other. Don’t worry about it! You only need a couple of good friends. You will screen out many people to find each and every close friend.

Then progress to talking about facts about yourself, your family, things you are doing and about the world in general. Facts are those things that are easily provable and should not be controversial or questionable. If a person argues with you about these simple facts, look elsewhere for a friend.

Next, move on to talking about your ideas and thoughts. These are yours. A suitable friend will show interest in your thoughts and ideas. He or she might not agree with them, but there will be interest. Your closest friends do not need to agree with everything you think, but they must show tolerance and interest. If the person gets upset with your thoughts and ideas, toss him or her as a possible close friend. Remember: disagreeing is not getting upset with you.

If the person passes the tests so far, you are getting close to finding "close friend material". The next and "almost final" test is sharing your feelings and values. These are the real you. (Your thoughts were also, but they probably came out of your values.) Be yourself and tell how you really feel about things. Relate your values – what you really stand for. (You don’t want to start sharing at this level unless you are very comfortable with rejection. You want to apply the previous tests of facts and thoughts first.) With someone who has passed the tests of social graces, facts, and thoughts, there is greater likelihood that he or she will value the real you as expressed in values and feelings.

The final test is whether or not the person can deny himself or herself for your needs when the chips are down, or at least often enough to satisfy you that the relationship is reciprocal.

When you find a person who passes all of the tests, be straightforward about being long-lasting friends. You might say something like this: "I have really appreciated our friendship and discussions. Do you have time and would you be interested in a friendship that might last for a while?"

I know that this sounds awkward. If you are a person who can intuitively know when you and another are going to be longtime friends, you don’t need to say anything. But for the majority, it is not a bad idea to commit to one another as close friends to avoid misunderstanding and hurt. Notice that the above suggestion has a "face-saving, escape clause" – do you have time? – that allows for nonacceptance of a deep friendship without rejection.

YOU MUST BE "CLOSE FRIENDSHIP MATERIAL"

People want their closest friends to be interested in them, support them and be loyal to them. So, whether or not you are "close friend material" will depend upon how much you can focus on someone other than yourself.

Give yourself this test. Can you think of the three most important challenges or struggles of your closest friends or relatives? Have you encouraged them on these three things in the last month? If not, maybe they are merely companions. Or, maybe you have a difficult time focusing on others for some reason or other. This you should remedy!

Of course, if you cannot return friendly greetings, accept facts, show interest in thoughts and ideas of another, appreciate (not necessarily agree) another’s feelings and values, and put the other person’s needs ahead of your own, you are not friendship material. Take care of this. Get some counseling and find out what is getting in your way.

If you are able to be a good friend, consider having one of your closest friends be one with a lot of needs. You are strong and able to give to another. But don’t have more than one closest friend who is always "needy" or you will burn out or get trapped.

SUSTAINING FRIENDSHIPS

Remember that everyone, even you, are difficult to get along with at times. When the going gets rough, don’t lose a good, close friend. Cut some slack. Be understanding. If you have to, share your fear that the friendship will be lost. Hang in there. Don’t withdraw to protect yourself right away. Try a few times to close the gap.

A good friendship can be most valuable. If anything threatens it, and you value the friendship highly, get counseling help for the friendship. One or both of you can go to a counselor to save what you have hoped for and invested in. (Business partners often have to do this also. It is not just for marriages and families.)

Friendship

Friendship is more than just being friends. It is a connection deep within the spiritual soul that is an unearned gift of love.

“True friendship is seen through the heart not through the eyes.”
Unknown

Friendship is one of those parts of life that we at times take for granted. It rolls off of our tongues as if we expect it to be present in all areas of our lives. I hear our ‘friendship is forever’ or ‘friends always’ is a common thread that runs through our lives. But in truth how many true friendships do you have? Think for a moment and list those you feel are true friends and those with which you have a close relationship. Are they true friends? Is their friendship from the heart? How many people do you truly see as friends?

“Friendship is a living thing that lasts only as long as it is nourished with kindness, empathy and understanding.”
Author Unknown

Friendship is a gift that two people give to each other. It is not an expected result of meeting but a true and unanticipated gift of enormous potential. True friends form a special connection that will weather any storm. True friends understand being human and give the other room to grow. True friends are there even when they are not expected to be present. True friends know and cherish each other’s gift.

“Friendship is love with understanding.”
Author Unknown

Friendship is a path of unrelenting compassion. It is a view of life that encompasses not just your life but the life of the other. It is a special bond that is created out of genuine affection and is given freely to those who have shown their truth. It is given without the thought of reward but with the essence of the heart which longs for this special connection.

“Life is to be fortified by many friendships. To love and to be loved is the greatest happiness of existence.”
Sydney Smith (1771 - 1845)

When friendship comes from the heart it forms a link to our soul that cannot be broken. It connects so strongly that even death does not sever the cord. That type of friendship exists forever in the realm of wonder for true friendship is genuinely a wondrous thing. It connects the physical with the spiritual and creates an energy that is impossible to describe.

“False friendship, like the ivy, decays and ruins the walls it embraces; but true friendship gives new life and animation to the object it supports.”
Richard Burton

Friendship brings light into your world for it gives you the missing link to your soul. It provides a passageway from one heart to another and allows the transference of peace and solitude. Friendship gives and receives all that your innermost spirit desires for within friendship you will discover the Creator’s love.

“The best mirror is an old friend.”
George Herbert, 1651

When you look at your true friends you will uncover who you are. You will see a reflection of your soul and will in turn become educated in the pathway you follow. You will see your world before you and will see without any doubts the truth of your way. You see true friends are simply your self in disguise. By uncovering that disguise you see before your eyes the world you created and the being your have become.

“What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.”
Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC), from Diogenes Laertius, Lives of Eminent Philosophers

By understanding the true value of a friend you begin to see the importance of looking at the reflection they provide and peering into the life you lead. You will see all the gifts you bring into the world as well as any shortcoming you may possess. You will also become a witness to the beauty, wonder, and peace that you give to the world and understand your contribution to the ongoing discoveries you will make.

“Remember, the greatest gift is not found in a store nor under a tree, but in the hearts of true friends.”
Cindy Lew

Think of your true friends and be grateful for the gifts they bring to your life. Allow your hearts to connect and bring comfort to each other. Expand your world by seeing through their eyes. Give them your love in return for each friend you have is an unearned gift that should be accepted with grace and thankfulness.

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”
Anais Nin (1903 - 1977)

Need of Friend & Friendship

Why we need friendships when we have a lovely life in this world.

Why we need friends in our life.

Well friends, this is a tedious question to answer. Lets see each questions.

Why we need friendships?

Friendships are the gift to the man kind. The relation which we get in this world are blood related. But the only relationships which doesnot related to blood is friendship. Friendship has many forms and shapes. It is like water. If we pour the water into a jug it takes the shape of jug. if you pour the same water into a bowl it takes the shape o bowl. Sameway friendships will take a different shapes and sizes according to our heart. Friendship gives pleasure to human beings. Where there is friendship then there will not be any sorrow. When you see a child laughing you will forget your sorrows for a second, sameway when you are with a friend you forget your sorrows.

Friendships crosses boundries

The world is rotating smoothly because of the friendly hearts in the world. it crosses boundries and share a mutual bonding of love. Friendships will take care of this entire world from problems. If we are friends then our countries will, when our countries are friends then there is not need of weapons. So take weapon named friendship and love and conqure the world with love.

Friendships saves life

Trusted true friendships never makes others down. it helps a lot to make friends to comeup from the situation. Friendships never expect anything in return for all its offering. It saves life without looking into situation.

Why we need friends & friendships?

Friends comes with friendships, They are the channel of love and affection. Friends are like child’s heart which doesn’t know wrong thinkings. When there is a friend with us we feel secure, happy, huge support, and comfortable which you can’t get from others.

So Lets get some real friends in this world. and lets Be Friends.